You are my biggest regret.

2011-05-15T17:32:00.003+08:00

Please Say There's No Regrets, And Say You Won't Forget.

My school's guitar concert was yesterday evening. We totally rocked the whole house. :)
Partout Dans Le Monde, Aurora XV.
As part of the junior ensemble, I played To Zarnakand and Sakura with my ensemble mates.
The senior ensemble were awesome. A night to remember.
Can't wait for next year's concert.
How do you like my new rabbit pencil case? :) I love it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only person I want to be, is a person better than who I was yesterday.
I have flaws. And I want to be a better person.

I learnt not to have expectations for the people around me, because it means I won't get hurt when they let me down. Too many times, I've faced disappointment from the people I love.
How many times can a heart possibly break?

2011-05-01T19:44:00.002+08:00

I'm In Love With You.

Thinking back on old memories. Of me and him. I miss those days. Simple, but blissful. I miss the old him, who loved me more than anything else in this world. Who treated me like his everything.
I can't say the same for the current him. You could say, he's just not him anymore. But somehow, I still see glimpses of the boy I love, somewhere inside those eyes. Lost, confused, but still there.
I've been in love with you the past two years.
And even though our story has changed so drastically, I'm still in love with you. Tell me, is that even right?
I miss you when you're not here. I love you more everyday.
And I'm still trying to make amends for my mistakes. Still hoping the boy I love would someday come back.
Even if you'd stay this way forever, without any emotion, without a care about anything else, I would still love you.
The reason, I can't find.
Do you ever really get over your first heartbreak?
Your first love.
My first love.

Boy, you've no idea what you've done to my heart. I love you. More than you'll ever know. There's no way I can make amends for my mistakes. All I can do is love you right from now on, and be everything you need. I don't want to lose you ever again.

2011-04-23T15:02:00.002+08:00

And You're Gone. Again.

He's gone once again. And honestly, I don't know what I should be feeling in my heart. I should have expected this. Him to leave all over again. But you know what? It hurts because I expected it to go on forever. Because I thought he would never leave again.
He says, he can't love. That the thought of love, disgusts him.
But I know you truly loved me once. Is that why my heart still won't let you go?
He's like the wind. You can't catch the wind. You can't tie it down. All you do is appreciate it when its around, and accept the fact when it leaves again.
The cycle never ends.
Happiness, was the only thing I ever wanted for you. Do you remember 4th October 2009?
Your heart, was once mine to keep. But now, I can't tame it anymore. Your heart. It's desire for freedom.
I don't know, what you mean when you tell me you love me anymore. But I know, that when you first told me you love me, you meant the words.
So go free, my love. Find what you desire. Make a mark in this world.
When you're lost and alone, there's always a place back here for you to come home to. There's always a place in my heart, for you. Wherever you are, whoever you've become, I'll still love you. For now. For ever. Remember me.

2011-04-15T21:35:00.002+08:00

Everlasting Love.

School is hectic. Everything is in full swing right now, and tutorials are piling up, lecture tests are hitting me all at once. Its the same for everyone else.
So this is what JC life is actually. Busy, busy, busy. And not to mention, the stress. Secondary four was nothing compared to this. In fact, O levels were nothing when i compare it to what i'm facing now.
I'm so mentally exhausted. Its like, I just hit my bed and fall asleep immediately every night.
Sometimes my mind doesn't even work right.
PW is killing me. I hope my second PI draft doesn't get rejected again. I've run out of ideas. :/
But i'm glad to have D by my side. We're just any other couple. Even though we don't get to meet much because of our busy schedule. But i'm trying my hardest, and i really want us to make it through the next one and a half years. After that we'll be free to be together always.
Because fate brought you to me. I don't want to let you go.
You matter to me.
Come on Michelle. Persevere. Its only going to get even harder from here. Term 3 will be worse. I just hope for the best in the coming June Common Tests.

Just stay with me. We'll make it through, my love.

2011-04-03T10:00:00.002+08:00

Remember When.

Went over to D's yesterday. Enjoyed the time spent with him, as always.
My guard is down. My heart is wide open. I'm vulnerable. But i want to love. He makes me feel happy.
And i'm so proud of myself because i've finally finished the two most difficult Chemistry questions i've been stuck at for the past one week.
Going to Popular to buy A Levels TYS later on.
And i'm gonna buy a new bag on Tuesday after school. So excited. Heh. :)
I like pretty notebooks.

The walls around my heart are all down now. I want to love him to my fullest. Even if i end up getting hurt again, i know i tried. I love him.

2011-03-31T18:01:00.002+08:00

I Miss You. More Than You'll Ever Know.

School is hectic. Literally. And i've never felt so stressed in my whole life before. Tutorials undone, lecture notes unread. I feel like banging my head on the wall. As if that solves the problem. :/
I miss him alot. Was looking forward to seeing him after school today, but he couldn't make it at the last minute.
The disappointment is kind of overwhelming. You don't know how much I long to see you.
I kinda just snapped in school after failing my chemistry test. I had the sudden strong urge to study. I am going to study really hard from now on. I must not slack.
I feel so stupid suddenly, when in secondary four i was the smartest in class. What a big difference. I can't let this continue.
I have to be the best.
Define best.
You know that feeling when someone deletes you off his/her facebook friends list for no reason?
It made me feel sad. And i kept wondering what i did to make that person do that.
But whatever.
I feel like i'm going through one of the darkest, periods of my life. That period when you feel all alone, and there's no one around to help.
I miss him. I just want to hug him. And just stay that way forever.
I feel like crying. Too overwhelmed by all the stuffs going on.

She yearns for happiness.

2011-03-20T20:29:00.002+08:00

Sweetly Attached All Over Again.

Yes, as u can see from my About Me, i'm attached to him again. The same guy right from the start, never changed.
Its amazing, how we broke up for more than a month, and now we're back together again. People would say its coincidence, but i'd like to say its fate.
These little things make me feel like we're meant for each other.
I'm not hoping for much right now. To be honest, i'm still afraid of being abandoned again.
I'm just taking things as they come. And keeping myself prepared. For the worst.
But its never changed. My feelings for him. I still love him like before.
I don't need promises. Prove it through your actions.

Dear Diary, he came back into my life.

2011-03-17T19:28:00.002+08:00

I'm hurting so bad inside but outside i'm telling them i'm fine.
What can someone possibly feel when they know the person they love hates them?
How stupid can i get to still love, still care at this point?
Yes i love him to the extent that i'd still care for him even if he hates me more than anything else in this world. Wow. What a fool.
When i walked away today, i knew i was throwing away every chance left. So why do i still love?
And he's made it clear.
What am i still waiting for? You to come back and tell me, everything's fine?
I just can't believe two people who used to be each other's world can just end up like strangers.
I remember the way you held me close.
The first time we kissed.
I remember how you wiped away my tears.
And made me feel so secure.
I remember the first love letter you wrote to me, every single word.
I remember our first date.
I remember 4th October 2009, 10.28pm. "Will u be my girlfriend?"
I remember the first time you hugged me. 10th October 2009.
I remember the way you fussed over me.
I remember you standing up for me.
I remember you walking me to school and home everyday.
I remember the first card i wrote for you. I spent hours decorating it.
I remember your promise to marry me ten years down the road.
I remember our first movie, Imagine That.
I remember your long phone calls to me, never wanting to put down the phone.
I remember the story of us.
Do you?

2011-03-17T16:42:00.002+08:00

I Walked Away When Inside My Heart Screamed I Need You.

I did it. I met him for lunch today. It was, good to see him again. After so long. But i didn't like the awkward silence that never used to exist. At least not between us. We were once, so close. Its hard to believe how much things change.
You held my hand for the first time in a long while. And inside, i wanted to tell you not to let go ever again. But i let go first. And walked away. When i turned around, you had already gone away. Did you hear my heart shattering?
I saw it in you. The child-like, silly boy i used to know. The same boy i love. The boy who smiled as soon as he saw me, who talked about endless things with me. But somehow, its not the same anymore.
You've changed.
When i look into your eyes, i see coldness. Icy, blank eyes. Eyes i don't know at all. I searched for the smile i love most. I couldn't find it.
And sitting there staring at you, i couldn't see the boy i love. It was someone almost completely different.
Where did the boy i love go?
Thats the reason why, i still walked away in the end.
And i know, i might never get another chance to see you again after today. When i walked away, i knew that would destroy every hope, every chance left for us.
But it was what my heart told me to do.
Because you aren't the boy i love so dearly. The boy i miss so much.

I watched you walk away. Every step. Until i could see you no more. I heard a heart shattering. I was brave enough to walk away from you. But you have no idea, the pain i felt to push your hand away first. I know i can't give you happiness anymore. Do you remember you once told me, i was your source of happiness? I love you so much. But i'm sorry i can't make you happy anymore. I love your smile the most. Smile for me once more, before you disappear.

2011-03-16T17:35:00.002+08:00

I Am Just A Girl.

Someone make up my mind for me.
I have this feeling deep inside. That i'm not strong enough to see him in person.
That i'll end up collapsing all over again. And i tried so hard.
Do not show your weakness.
Because people will just look down on you and say, i told you so. So what if i just like being made a fool of?
At least when i love, i give my all. You may think that isn't enough, but what i gave was my everything.
People judge when they have no right to.
When it all comes crashing down, they don't hear a heart shattering.

2011-03-16T16:29:00.002+08:00

I Still Believe Deep Inside That We Were Meant To Be.

Not a very fruitful day today. Met the girls in school for biology project. And in the end, we didn't manage to buy our bags. ):
Waiting till the June holidays before we go on another trip to buy our matching bags.
I'm probably meeting him for lunch tomorrow. I know its stupid of me, but somehow, a tiny voice in my heart keeps whispering: "Are you sure this is for the best? A relationship you worked so hard for, you gonna just let it go like that?"
Yes. I'm wavering again. I tried so hard to let him go, and now, i'm missing him again.
Because something about us felt so right. It was just wrong to let you go.
Thats why i'm giving it one last shot. Giving myself a chance to rethink my decision. Because honestly, it just doesn't feel right that you aren't here.
I thought i was moving on. But in truth, all i was doing was running away from the fact that you had left.
I think about all the times we had. The memories we created, just us both. The love we once shared. So pure and innocent. When together, nothing could break us down.
I'm searching for that love. The boy from three years back.
I don't really know what to expect. Maybe he'll just cancel out on me. I'm afraid if i see him, all the time i spent trying to forget him will go to waste.
I'm hoping for the best.

I'm searching for the boy from three years back.

2011-03-15T15:54:00.003+08:00

Never Apart. Maybe In Distance, But Never In Heart.

My new room is all furnished and done up. :) Love the way it is now.
I can't wait to get DIY materials for my noticeboard. Still deciding if i should get a magnetic whiteboard or a corkboard.
Smsed him last evening. The conversation was pretty awkward.
How did we ever end up like strangers? We were so in love once.
I could tell his guard was up. I understand.
When I was young and immature, i hurt him too deeply. We both know its impossible for us to continue being together. Not after all the pain, the tears.
I do miss him.
But eventually, i'll have to move on. It doesn't hurt as much anymore. Occasionally, I just miss the way it used to be.
Gonna catch Red Riding Hood this weekend with my family. :)
I can't wait for tomorrow, meeting the girls. Its been quite boring without them. And the last time I saw them, i was being rather anti social..because i was feeling so unwell. Gotta make up for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For someone:

Even though i've pondered why,
I realised it doesn't really matter now,
The reason for our separation.
The times with you,
I really love, really miss, but I learnt to move on.
It ends tonight.
Lets stop here,
Before we fall even deeper.
I know your love was genuine,
And i'm sorry for all the mistakes I made.
Lets both continue on with faith,
And maybe one day,
Our paths will cross again.

Remember me.

2011-03-14T13:48:00.003+08:00

I Hate You For Still Being In My Heart.

Nostalgia really sucks at times. Times like now.
I find myself missing him much more these days. I don't get why. I swear i'm trying my best to forget. But the memories won't go away.
I can't wait for Wednesday. Going out with the girls. And when school reopens, we'll have matching bags. :) With different colored carebears hanging on our bags. How cute is that?
Starting on my holiday homework today..its such a huge pile.
Went to Ikea with my dad and mum last evening. Bought my white bookcase. :) Its gonna arrive tmr.
I can't help but wonder how he is. If he still remembers me. Or have I already faded away, and i'm now nothing but a shadow from his past?
Remember me? The girl you once promised to marry ten years down the road.
When you're fifteen, you don't see the problems that could arise. You only know your love is pure and real. When you're fifteen, you only see a happy ending.
When I was fifteen, I fell in love with you.
Do you regret being mine?
To all the young kids out there, not that i'm that old, don't bother about what others say. Just go out there, love, get your heart broken, and learn from it.
Thats how you grow up.
Thats how I grew up.
We make mistakes, and sometimes we can't make it right again. I made a mistake. And its too late to make amends.

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright.

2011-03-13T13:27:00.002+08:00

Walking Down Memory Lane.

I don't really know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. Unpacking my stuffs...its inevitable to come across some things he gave to me. Presents I once loved.
Hello Kitty Japan, a birthday card from last year, a love letter he first wrote.
Reading the cards were the most painful. Because in the words, I found the love we once had.
Sometimes I wonder if he still keeps the cards I made for him. If he still reads them occasionally. If he still remembers our love. Remember we were once everything to each other.
But then I realised the answer doesn't really matter anymore. Nothing's changed.
We are still complete strangers now.
I love my new room. The sun shines in and brightens the whole room. Exactly the way I like it.
What is wrong with me?
I was moving on fine. I was getting over him. I was happy.
Now i just feel like i'm going to fall apart again. No. I can't.
Remember you once promised to never let me fall?
Snap out of it Michelle.
I need an outing with the girls. Going to buy our matching bags on Wednesday. I can't be alone, or i'll start thinking.
Gonna catch Red Riding Hood soon. Can't wait.

The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

2011-03-12T12:11:00.002+08:00

Back To The Beginning.

I'm finally back in Tampines, in my new house. It all feels a little familiar, a little nostalgic. I'm back here in the place where it started. Where we met.
I'm searching for the footprints we left behind.
It feels good though, to be back here in the place i love. To finally have a room of my own again. No more squeezing in a tiny flat, having my own space. It feels great. :)
Its already the end of term 1..which means i have to start bucking up and stop slacking. I haven't really been studying hard enough. Time to start mugging. :/
Holiday homework is piled up and waiting to be done. Oh and I can't wait to go out with Haryati, Manju and Li Ting. Gonna get our matching schoolbags. ^^
Project work starts in term 2, which means life is gonna turn into living hell. Tight deadlines to be met, tutorials to be done, lecture notes to be mugged, gosh. But i guess, it keeps me busy. Which is good.
I realised, i haven't changed. I'm still a fool when it comes to you.
I have to learn. Have to grow up. Have to stop being stupid.
Did i mention, my wardrobe and bookcase are gonna be white? ^^ So princessy, i just love it.
Girls will be girls. Sometimes, we just want to live a fairytale, with Prince Charming coming for us on their white horses.
I guess my Prince Charming lost his way.

If this is for the best, why are you still in my heart, are you still in my soul?

2011-03-05T14:58:00.002+08:00

A new phase, moving on.

I feel like its been years since my last blog entry. And yeah, many things have changed since then.
To put it simply, i'm single.
Do not judge me.
I don't really want to talk about why or how it happened. But i'm surprised by myself as well. I never expected myself to be able to carry on alone. Its amazing how people grow stronger after they fall. The human spirit is just a miracle.
Sometimes people ask if i'm over him for real, and i tell them, does my answer matter that much?
It doesn't. And only my heart knows the answer, not me, because i do not understand my heart. Lets just leave it at, i'm fine with my life right now.
Being single has its advantages.
Like, no more messy arguements draining me out, i've been happier these days. But i do miss.....
The warmth he once gave me. The never ending presents. My hands in his. His arms around me. The little walks we took. The time together.
I know those are nothing but memories now, and i'll leave them as they are.
Occasionally, i come across something that triggers the memories, and i feel nostalgia threatening to overwhelm me. But thats all. No more tears, no more pain, no more sleepless nights.
I feel like i've really grown up after this incident.
Big girls don't cry.
Met a few awesome people in my class. Friends really do help in the healing process.
I once resented him after the break up, once hated him for leaving me broken and torn. But hate is really tiring. After some time, i started forgiving. I started letting go.
He is still, a very close friend to me. After all, once, he was everything to me.

She turns like the ocean. She tells no emotion.

2011-02-06T15:24:00.002+08:00

Long time no see....life is getting better.

Haven't blogged for a month. Lol* Been kinda busy with school reopening and all. And so.......I'm officially a TJCian. ^^
Orientation has been enjoyable, met many new people and have become good friends with a few. :)
So......D has gotten into TPJC. I'm quite proud of his L1R5 score, even though he doesn't seem satisfied with it. Haha. A big improvement. Encountered some ups and downs some time ago....but all is well now. Things are going rather smoothly, and i'll just take things one step at a time.
Decided on BCMG for my subject combination. Even though alot of people are taking BCME and PCME... But i shall not waver! Haha.
1 year, 4 months.
I'll still do my best to be everything you need. What we have isn't merely a coincidence, or a twist of fate. What we have is something we worked for together.

Dear Diary....i met someone. He changed me forever.

2011-01-06T09:42:00.002+08:00

Come back soon, because I miss you.

):
D has left for Malaysia. I woke up at six thirty in the morning and saw four smses from him.
"Baby? I'm going off. Miss u terribly."
When i saw that i thought he already left Sg, scared me. But he hadn't left yet. Talked to him awhile more and then he reached the customs. Time to say bye. );
I actually cried when he reached the customs. ):
Come back soon dear. I miss you a lot.
But anyway, he said he would buy chewing gum for me. :>
Gotta work nine hours today. Drop dead and die. -.-
Getting back results next Monday, its confirmed already. Omg omg..... :S
Anyway, meet Deriche, the teddy above. :>

Please keep D safe.

2011-01-04T16:58:00.002+08:00

1 Year, 3 Months, and counting. ♥

Day out with D today! :> I enjoyed myself very much.
Met him at Marymount station and then we walked far far far away to a pizza shop. Lol* Met Jun Hao and Mavis there and had lunch together.
After that D and I headed off to Junction 8.
I had fun today, thank you honey bunny! :>
He's going overseas on Thursday..... ): But he told me he's going to call me at night. ^^ Meant to be a surprise, but he still told me anyway, he said because he saw that i was sad when he said he's going M'sia. Aww*
I'll miss you, come back soon!
I can't send him off because he's leaving like super early in the morning. ): I'll be sleeping like a pig. -.- And yea i've mastered the art of sleeping till 11am in the morning. Lol*
I had a dream last night about O levels results. Second dream already! About getting back results.
I dreamt that we were all in the school hall. Then i got my result and i had an L1R5 of 20. ._. Like OMG. Then Li Ting had the same L1R5 also. And she was so happy she started yelling. LOL. So ridiculous. Then i was crying like mad. And i woke up. Both dreams, i had very lousy results. ): Is it a sign......omg damn nervous.
Mental issues, please don't get worse. D knows about it. Ryan as well. Please do not get any more serious. Antidepressants, please work.
Monophobia: The fear of being alone.
Is that what i have? Everytime i part with D, i get terrified. I'm terrified of being alone. Not just D, anyone else.
Yeah, i'm terrified of being alone. Of being abandoned. The feeling sucks.

P/S: Come back soon, D.

2010-12-31T10:54:00.003+08:00

Walking on air, let it stay this way forever.

X Mas present from D! ^^

I can't believe today is the last day of 2010 already. And from tomorrow on, it will be 2011. Another new year again.
Got quite a few things lined up for the start of 2011. :) Going to my nephew's one month birthday buffet dinner tomorrow, and going to watch Tron : Legacy with my family on Sunday. I can't wait!
And then Tuesday going out with D again. Yay! Lol*
D is going Malaysia next Thursday.... ): With his mom, brother and Eric. He asked me to go with him initially...but my parents sure won't allow. I am so jealous!! Eric gets to go with him. ): ):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Serious mental issues.
Anyway i decided to work until 23 January before quitting. More work means more money. ._.
And pray hard my O Levels results won't be disappointing.
Tuesday is 4th January 2011. ^^
1 year, 3 months. And counting.

P/S: I love you, D.

2010-12-27T13:09:00.002+08:00

Lets walk on together with a little more faith.

A dream come true..i want my new bedroom decorated like this. :)
Omg i want this~~
Two little kittens cute ttm
X-Mas present from Uncle Edmund
X-Mas present from Auntie Catherine
X-Mas present from Ryan!
Tang Yuan :>
Home cooked meal at maternal aunt's house in Penang

Went to Penang for the weekend with Mommy. I took the trip to forget the unhappy events that happened.
Another 2 more weeks before the release of the O level results. Mixed feelings, anticipation, and also dread. There will only be two outcomes. Either i cry with joy, or there goes my future.
D is going overseas next Thursday. I'm not exactly happy because i'll miss him. And i'd rather he not leave my side just before the release of the O level results.
2011, please be good.
So many thoughts running through my mind. I find myself thinking endlessly, about the future. Sometimes it suffocates me.
Going out with D this Wednesday. Can't wait to get my X-Mas present from him. And of course, a present for him too, all wrapped up with love. Going to my Auntie Carol's house this Saturday for a buffet dinner to celebrate my nephew's full month birthday. :)

2010-12-20T10:59:00.002+08:00

I had a dream.

I wanted this ring for Christmas but D doesn't have a credit card.. ):

Sis's birthday on Thursday.

Outing with D on Saturday. Didn't manage to have a picnic because we weren't prepared at all. Lol*
Celebrating Christmas with him next Wednesday. Alittle late? Haha. Working everyday from today till Saturday. ):
Work sucks.
I can't believe its going to be the end of 2010 in a few days. I don't really look forward to the new year. Don't want to move forward to another phase.
Our life in fast forward.
Two years of JC, then University, and we'll be out in the real world. It all seems a little scary sometimes.
I had a dream last night. Nightmare or a sweet dream?
I remember it clearly even after i woke up. I remember the emotions i felt. Was it happiness?
And today, the first thing I did was log into facebook. I found a part of my past. Staring me in the face.

I had a dream.
Running down a familiar corridor.
Sounds, i remember hearing before. Drifting closer and closer.
I remember my heart beating so fast i thought i was gonna die.
What was I running from? I don't know.
All of a sudden a familiar face appears. And I run straight into your arms.
Emotions. Security first, then comfort. I look into your eyes and suddenly, i'm 12 again.

The first thing i thought of when i woke up was D.

2010-12-17T14:16:00.002+08:00

Nightmares.

For, D.

I know you're facing family problems. Maybe it feels like no one else is around to help. I'm still here. I'm not a kin, but i'm your girlfriend. I promised you, as long as you need me, i'll be there. I don't know how to put my concern into words, but I hope you can feel it. Genuine concern, from me, someone who loves you.
But honestly, its tearing me apart to see you like that. I'm here. And I love you.

A word,
Glass breaking,
A teardrop,
Silence.

2010-12-17T14:10:00.002+08:00

My Skin - Natalie Merchant

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here that I don't understand
Your face say these promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them

Because I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

Well, content loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart
They say that promises sweeten the blow
But I don't need them, no
I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable

Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss good night
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this

I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable

Do you remember the way that you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored
Your face saving promises whispered like prayers
I don't need them

Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss good night
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this

Well is it dark enough
Can you see me
Do you want me
Can you reach me
Oh, I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth
And hold your breath
And kiss me now
And catch your death
Oh, I mean this
Oh, I mean this

2010-12-10T16:30:00.003+08:00

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

D jubeating ^^

Haven't blogged recently...been busy with work. Its kind of tiring in fact, standing at the cashier for hours.
Went out with D yesterday to Junction 8 and then back to Tampines. ^^ Haven't seen him for some time..I felt kinda like a small kid being given my favorite candy. Heh.
I only remember how his hands never failed to hold mine tight as we walked round the mall. Ate at Mos Burger. Lol* Even though i work there i don't get to eat many stuffs. ):
He went to Jubeat, then went back to Tampines. D bought me a Mcdonalds Bear!! I saw it at the Mcdonalds store at Tmart and said i wanted it. I actually saw it on someone's facebook photo yesterday morning. Lol*
And he bought it for me. Yay. ^^
Going for a picnic with him next week. Picnic! Yay!
And my nephew was born yesterday at 9 in the morning. Waiting for his full month birthday next month, then i can buy him baby stuffs with my salary. :D
Gonna watch Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader this Sunday with family.
I'm down with sore throat. ): Caught it from D yesterday. Have to work tmr....hope my voice gets better.

2010-11-26T17:31:00.003+08:00

D's Sweet Sixteen. ♥♥♥

Celebrated D's birthday at Fish and Co today with Li Ting, Felicia, Eric, Jun Hao and Hong Zhang. :) Happy Sixteenth Birthday my dearest! Love you so much.
Had quite a lot of fun. Haha. Especially when the Fish and Co staff made the birthday boy stand on the chair and we sang the Happy Birthday song for him. I hope i made your birthday special for you D. ^^
No present for him though...the present is the cake. Which cost $32!! Lol*
Gonna go watch my drama now. :)
And by the way, i got a job!!! Yay! Working at Toa Payoh Hub's Mos Burger. ^^ Starting work next Wednesday. Woohoo! Money money money!
Happy Birthday to you, my love, i'm glad you enjoyed the celebration.

2010-11-25T17:19:00.000+08:00

2010 Prom, a night to remember.

Not going to say much. Let the pictures do the talking. :)

2010-11-23T20:26:00.002+08:00

Beautiful People.

I have been so bored lately. Playing with my webcam. :)
This post is specially for people who feel that they are inferior to others. D told me something about someone, which made me feel really sad for the person. I can sympathise with that person, and I can't comfort that person directly, so I'm writing this post.
Don't ever let anyone tell you, you ain't beautiful, because every person in this world is beautiful, no matter how you look like on the outside.
You are beautiful, and you shine like a star. Just wanna let you know, you have made me feel special at least once in my life. Don't listen to others bullshit about how ugly you are or how inferior you are. They only say that because they can't be as special as you are.
You are beautiful, yes, you. :)

2010-11-22T13:19:00.004+08:00

Lonely is the soul, without a mate.

Hi, I am dying in this cramped little house situated somewhere in Toa Payoh Lorong 7. There is absolutely nothing to do besides surfing the net.(I've been doing that for the past ONE WEEK??)
I bought my prom dress yesterday. ^^ Spent the whole morning and almost half the afternoon searching for it. Went to Wisma Atria, then Suntec City, then Raffles Place, then finally Bugis Junction where I found my dream dress. :) I absolutely love it. Its maroon in color, a deep red to be precise. And it cost $106.90. I believe this is the most expensive piece of clothing i've ever bought in my life. ._. Bought a black chiffon-like scarf-like ribbon thing to tie around the area below my umm, bust. Lol* As for the design of the dress, that is a secret until 2010 Prom. ^^ I just love it!
I am so excited now for prom because i'm sitting with my bestest friend ever of 4 years, Li Ting and my classmates. ^^
D isn't going for prom. But the next day, we're celebrating his birthday! Heh. I already managed to get five people. The rest are still pending. And need to order the cake.
By the way, I heard there is an eight course dinner for prom. O.O Eight course?? I've never eaten an eight course dinner before. Isn't it very filling? I am going to surf the net on what an eight course dinner includes. Lol*
I LOVE MY DRESS. How many times have I said that? Haha. I felt like a princess when I tried it on at the shop. You know those fairytale bedtime stories we used to hear? I feel like a princess in one of those stories.
Still not sure what I'm going to do with my hair for prom. Straighten it? Curl it? Tie it up into a bun? I think I may straighten it. With a straightening iron.
As for shoes...I'm wearing my ballet flats. ): Because I really cannot walk in high heels. Don't want to make a fool of myself by tripping or something when I'm wearing a pretty dress. I envy girls who can actually walk in stilettos. ):
I want to go to the beach. And go cycling. And have a picnic. A picnic!! Find one day when D can take leave, go to the beach.
Carry a straw basket, and wear a straw hat. Haha! You see those dramas, pretty girls always wear a straw hat and sit very daintily on the picnic mat. Then they take a kettle out of the basket and place it nicely on the mat. Imagination gone wild.
I've been watching SNSD- Hello Baby and Personal Taste lately. Missed episode 12 of Personal Taste, and xinmsn.com haven't upload! ):
I love Jessica from SNSD. SNSD is the Korean girl group Girls Generation by the way. I like Yoona too.
Should I go for a manicure? :)
Or should I just learn to be a pro and buy a new collection of nail polish and be my own manicurist?
This is such a long and wordy post. Sorry! I am just too bored.

UPDATE: D is bringing me to the beach!! Yay!! I love how you can always read my mind.

2010-11-18T15:02:00.002+08:00

Lazy holidays.

I was playing this room design game. Lol*
I want this dress!! From Forever 21
This one too!

I have moved to Toa Payoh! ): Lazy to explain why. I hate it here. I want to go back to Tampines.
Seriously, I think Toa Payoh should be renamed Old Folks Town. Everywhere you look, you will definitely see an elderly person. DEFINITELY.
I miss Tampines..
Going shopping for prom dress on Sunday with Mommy. I want a tube bubble dress, turquoise color. I saw one on the web which is super pretty. Above the knee, with an oversized ribbon attached to the waistline.
Oh and I bought the Maybelline Angelfit Perfect Concealer, in case of a breakout just before prom. Lol* I've been drinking alot of water and eating alot of fruits to keep my skin clear and free from breakouts. ^^
I also bought Silky Girl Moisture Max Lip Gloss in Amber color. Because I found it nicer than the previous Raspberry one. Wastage. I can't even give it to someone else because it will be unhygienic. So I'm just keeping it for another occasion.
I need to get a new eyelash curler. My previous one kind of.......snapped. ._.
Oh boy holidays are really boring especially when you're cooped up in a tiny house. D is working until 6pm today and tmr....no one to entertain me.
And people keep daoing my messages which is pissing me off. So I have decided not to dao anybody's messages anymore because I know how irritating it is to get daoed. Am I making sense?
~Rant rant rant rant rant~
I need to go shopping. Urgently. I want to buy more floral dresses and a denim tube romper and a high waisted shorts.

2010-11-12T15:30:00.005+08:00

A new milestone.

Maybelline Clear Smooth Extra Foundation
Revlon Colorstay Eyeliner in Black Brown
Silky Girl Moisture Max Lip Gloss in Raspberry

D playing Street Fighter 4
He looks so cute here!

Finally the O levels are going to be over. We always used to talk about what we would do when the o levels end, when school is out. And now we're finally here.
The end of secondary school. The beginning of another phase.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Been buying cosmetics lately. :) In preparation for 2010 Prom. Wasted some money though. I bought the Maybelline 2 in 1 Shadow Liner by Eyestudio at first, which obviously didn't work for me. So i changed to the Revlon Colorstay Eyeliner. The black looked alittle harsh though, so i bought black brown which gives a softer look.
And the Maybelline Clear Smooth Extra foundation is really good, i bought it in the shade 03 Natural which fits my skin tone.
Went to D's house today. ^^
Planning a big birthday surprise for him together with Blossom. ^^ Blossom is Eric.
Ups and downs, but right now, everything is going smoothly.
Just a moment of happiness, can you stop time right now for me? Let me enjoy this moment. Carefree and joyous.
I'm still not sure if i'm going to get a job. Why is "after o levels" all about jobs? People keep asking, are you getting a job?
D got a job already that pays quite well. ^^ $7.50 an hour. Make more money D! Then buy nice things for me. Heh. :P
Going shopping for prom dress next weekend. I already have in mind what sort of a dress i want.
Thinking about it now, i think i should work. Then i can have money to buy my guinea pig and ipod touch.
Okay maybe just the guinea pig.

2010-10-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy One Year Anniversary to us, D.

New handphone straps. :)

Today is the 4th of October, 2010. A very special date for D and I. On this date one year ago, at exactly 10:28pm, he asked me a question, that I believe has been asked countless times by a million other guys all over the world.
Will you be my girlfriend?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And today, a year later, on the very same date, it is the sweetest day for us.
Happy One Year Anniversary to us, D.
It all started on a very ordinary day, in a very ordinary setting, at somewhere called Tampines Library. Lol*
If on that very special day, either I, or him, didn't go for the study group, we would never have met, or fallen in love.
I remember the first sms he sent me, on a Wednesday morning. Asking me to bring my amaths file for him, so he could copy corrections. I remember thinking at that time, who is this guy and why does he have my number. I was annoyed. Haha.
And from then on, we started going out a lot, in groups, and we started smsing a lot as well. Little by little, somewhere in between our big laughs, our little jokes, and the sweet innocence of our blooming friendship, I fell in love.
But we weren't openly dating yet. Even though he bought me the handphone strap, and wrote a love letter on my birthday, we weren't exactly a couple yet.
But on the 4th of October, 2009, I would say, something magical happened.
How could I refuse? He is my best friend, my punching bag, my listening ear, and now, he is my boyfriend as well.
Sometimes, in our ordinary lives, love gives us a fairytale.
And a fairytale it was, for the first few months at least.
I was head over heels in love. And so was he.
But the hardest part was the coming year ahead. A year ago, I was so worried about what the new year would bring. Would we drift apart? Could we make it throught? Will our love stand the test of time?
All those questions, bugged me. And now, I am glad to say, our love did stand the test of time.
Nothing is perfect. Love is no exception. Love isn't so simple.
There were the quarrels, the cold wars, the tears, the hurt.
And yes, many times, I thought it was the end. I was ready to leave. And start all over. But every single time, we made it through.
The ultimate test of love, is to disagree, but still hold hands.
We've been through so much, together.
And it would be a pity to let it all come to nothing. Because I truly believe, what we share is something special, something magical, and something I will always cherish.
I learnt to have trust, to have faith, in this relationship.
Ten years later, we will get married.
That is a promise he made to me, a promise that let me know how serious he was about us.
D, you have been a great boyfriend, and I am thankful, to have you as mine. I know I've been unreasonable at times, childish, and utterly stubborn sometimes. Thank you for putting up with me all this while. If you ask me, I honestly don't know why or how I fell in love.
You would say its fate, but I would say its something more special.
Thanks for leaving your heart with me, I hope it will be mine to keep, for now, for ever.
I love you.

2010-10-02T10:31:00.003+08:00

Love always forgives.

Lets just say, things are going okay.

I was in the wrong, and i apologised. And you forgave me, like you always have. And then you were in the wrong next, and you hurt me badly. I couldn't feel a thing anymore. But when I was ready to leave you behind and start all over, when I walked away from you, i looked back and saw you looking so downcast. You punched the walls, and that made my heart ache. When i walked back to your side, i knew i could never leave again. And when you apologised, i had long forgiven you. We all let our temper get the better of us at one time or another. Aren't we just humans after all? You let me know i was right about you. You have a good heart. A heart i will protect and keep. A heart i hope will be mine for now, and for ever.

2010-09-18T09:39:00.006+08:00

Love is in the air.

Hello Sunshine!
Musical Box for D.

Marks and Spencers cereals. ^^

Retarded pictures i drew using my phone. =.=

Prelims are finally over. I think i screwed up though. ):
Spent Thursday at D's house. Watched half of Vampires Suck on his computer. Its damn funny and retarded. Haha. D's going to download The Devil too!! I can watch free movie. ^^
Yesterday was spent with D too. Walked round TM and Tampines One. Had lunch. Bumped into his idiotic classmates and Keith. =.=
Jun Hao was apparently playing at the Century Square arcade with Felicia.
We actually bought a Doraemon comic book from Popular! Went to 201 Mcdonalds to read. Then bumped into Felicia again.
D downloaded an application for me on my phone. And i've been drawing retarded things non stop. Lol*
Sending my phone for repair today.. ): My phone.....
I love Taylor Swift's new song, titled Mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you remember we were sitting there, by the waters,
You put your arm around me, for the first time,
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter,
You are the best thing, thats ever been mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
D wrote this for me a few weeks ago. I think its really sweet.

All the things that you hold dear,
Keep them safe and hold them tight,
Protect them and move on,
Despite facing the various problems of fate,
Have faith in them,
And trust in me,
For I am your boyfriend, your perfect one,
And I shall walk you to the ends of this earth,
And at the end, with no regrets,
I will tell you,
I love you.

2010-09-04T16:13:00.004+08:00

Sweet Sixteen.

Box full of candies from D.
Lovely dress from Atika and Gracie.
Necklace from Atika and Gracie.
From Li Ting, just the thing to cheer me up.
Kimmi Doll wallet i wanted from D.
Kimmi Doll birthday card from D.
Lovely box containing birthday cards from Atika and Gracie.

I turned sixteen two days ago. :)
Thank you all for the lovely presents,and the hot pink pen from Cynthia, as well as the box of Ferrero Rochers from D. :) Many things have happened lately, and i just want to thank a special person for being there throughout. Thank you, D.
Its our Eleven Months today. And on this date next month, we'll be celebrating our one year anniversary. Thank you for always being there without fail.
I watched two Barbie movies today. Barbie in the Twelve Dancing Princesses, and Barbie in the Princess and the Pauper. Haha.
I miss watching Barbie. Because its always so fairytale like and always ends with a happily ever after.
Reality isn't always like that. But sometimes, in our ordinary lives, love gives us a fairytale.
Going to the SPCA with Eric next next Friday. ^^ To see cute animals. I want a guinea pig.
We all get wishes on birthdays every year. This year, i wished once again. And although we wish for really ambitious things, things we know might never come true, we still wish. Because sometimes, they come true.
I know i'm not perfect. Nobody is. But you still love me. Despite my flaws. So thank you D. I'm still trying to be a better girlfriend. And i'm working on it. Like i said, You plus Me doesn't always equals only love. But for love, its worth it.

2010-08-27T17:36:00.003+08:00

Dresses for Sale.

Checkered dress.

T Bar button down dress, navy green.

Tube romper, denim material.

I'm selling the above mentioned dresses and rompers. ):
Instead of studying SS i was playing dress up. But whatever.
For you, D. Sometimes, one plus one doesn't always equals two. You plus Me equals love, plus a whole lot more. Like quarrels, tears. But whatever it is. I still cherish you. I still love you. And thank you for being there whenever I need you. Because without you, I can't see who i am.

2010-08-07T11:14:00.008+08:00

A walk down Memory Lane.

Looking through old photos. Photos of the past. Makes me realise how much i've changed. For the good, for the bad.
My grandmother's death has made me feel deja vu all the time recently.
Many times now i wonder, who would i be right now, if all those things never happened?
If, Fiqal never left. If, I never met D.
Who would i be? Where would i be?
Rewind, and replay.
I'm searching for answers, i just can't find.

2010-07-31T11:09:00.003+08:00

Obstacles make us stronger.
I've been, so busy lately. Having a bad headache.
Happy Birthday Li Ting!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just want to forget all the unhappy things that have happened. Just makes me unhappy. So I shall be positive.
Everybody is like studying like some maniac in school, carrying TYS everywhere they go. Which is so, NOT ME.
And btw, O's is in 86 DAYS.
FAINTS*.
How did the time pass so quickly without any warning??
July is over. Another month is over.
I will study really hard now.
Do TYS and assessments and anything i can get my hands on.

On this day of your life Michelle, we believe God wants you to know....
You are a human being, not a human doing.
Take time to just be, to breathe slowly, to feel your body that is the temple of your soul. No activities, no worries, no buzzing.

For your information, I'm not as strong as I look. And maybe sometimes, appearing strong is just my way of self defence. Maybe behind that strong defence, I'm just crumbling to pieces inside. You never know. But whatever it is, you won't see me fall to pieces. I've made mistakes, and I've apologised. If nobody forgives me, its their choice. I won't be affected. And I'll go on. At the end of it all, I hope you're standing by my side.

2010-07-24T10:45:00.003+08:00

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In times like this, I can't make it on my own. And yes, I need you now.

2010-07-14T17:09:00.003+08:00

Busy as a bee, but still i'm happy.
And suddenly its the third week of term 3 already. Haven't been blogging lately, sorry readers! I've been so busy with school. Actually, there hasn't been much homework, but still i'm now busy with HOUSEWORK. Yes i forgot to tell you i have a second name now and that is Maria. Lol*
No more maid now, so that means housework is split among my family. And i do the majority since they think i'm the most free. Which i'm not actually.
And Spain is the World Cup Champion! :)
Well Octopus already predicted Spain to be the champion, so i wasn't much surprised. But i think my dad betted on some other country so he was in a bad mood when Spain won. Lol*
Anyway. School passes kinda quickly these days. But still, i'm happy nowadays. ^^
Mainly because D treats me really well, and i laugh alot in school at stupid/lame/random things with Li Ting and Yee Ting my Ting Tings. Lol*
Oh well.
Lets see. There's about three more months to the 'O's. Which means, panick attack! But somehow i still don't feel the urgency or the panick to study yet. Which is bad i think.
And today i finished my biology worksheets and now i'm going to study Physics. Because the past few Physics lessons i've been stoning/daydreaming/catching butterflies in lala land.
Okay BYE.

2010-06-18T09:48:00.003+08:00

Seize the Moment.
Went to my sister's choir concert yesterday evening. And then i realised its actually Pasir Ris Secondary's Tapestry. Its their 25th Anniversary. Lol*
My own school Tapestry don't want go, go other school's Tapestry.
Anyway. School reopens next Monday. :(
But i'm going Bugis Village to shop again next Friday! :)
And did i mention, my sister's choir instructor is super young and handsome! :P He was on stage conducting the choir and he's like DAMN YOUNG. Maybe about 19 or 20?
And there were a lot of Pasir Ris secondary students. All dressed like going prom. Lol*
And i learned how to french braid my hair! :)

2010-06-15T17:22:00.000+08:00

Little House-Amanda Seyfried

I love this place
But it's haunted without you
My tired heart is beating so slow
Our hearts sing this
That we want it we want it
Our hearts sing 'cause
We do not know we do not know

(Chorus:
To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said I always know)

You can catch me
Don't you run
Don't you run
If you live another day
In this happy little house
The fire's here to stay

(Chorus:
To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said I always know)

Please don't make a fuss
It won't go away
The wonder of it all
The wonder that I make
I am here to stay
I am here to stay
To stay

2010-06-15T17:05:00.002+08:00

Lets just say, its all good.
Last week of the holidays WHAT THE HELL. Why is it like so super fast. And i've been feeling kind of down the past few days because school is gonna reopen and then i've to start studying very hard.
Its like just three more months plus to the O LEVELS.
Anyway i got kind of bored today so i started playing with my hair. Lol* Twisted and turned and made all kinds of weird hair dos.
Isn't it nice to be both pretty, and smart?
Too bad i'm neither. :(

2010-06-12T19:43:00.002+08:00

Pretty and Prim.
Today's shopping is postponed to tmr ZZZ. Because my sister wants to go also and she has choir today. LIKE SHE WILL BUY ANYTHING! Ok CHILL MICH.
Anyway, still went Parkway Parade with Mommy and went to Cotton On there which is also having 50% sale.
Bought an orange cami and a dark grey sleeveless tank top.
Then tmr going Far East Plaza for more shopping.
I'm looking forward to HMgLiRaP outing!
And i love being prim and proper.
So my daily routine every morning is:

1) Put on contacts.
2) Jog at 6am everyday to keep fit.
3) Shower, shampoo and condition hair.
4) Brush and floss teeth.
5) Make sure nails are clean, filed, apply SilkyGirl clear gloss.
6) Use Rexona Deodorant/Use SilkyGirl roll on perfume if i'm going out.

There. My everyday routine to smell and look good.
I love my sun dresses from Secret Island. :)

2010-06-11T16:17:00.003+08:00

Went over to D's house today. Then Jun Hao came over as well to copy some game files.
Shopping whole day tmr with Mommy. Yay!
Okay bye.

2010-06-10T15:59:00.003+08:00

Today i did my biology spa worksheets and ecology worksheet.
Okay i'm using my phone to blog so this is a short post.
BYE.

2010-06-08T18:11:00.004+08:00

Taken on Saturday, see Jun Hao?
D bought this for me

A BIG BIG LOLLIPOP!

Me and D's lunch

Day out with D today again. Went to 313@Somerset. Nice shopping mall. Lol*
Had lunch at Yoshinoya. Walked walked walked around the mall. I was actually looking for clothes, or more specifically, dresses.
Forever 21 is three levels there! But nothing much. Went back to Tampines One and went to Secret Island(Sheer Romance) to buy another dress for Monday's outing. I love the color, greenish blue, with patterns. Today I wore the brown dress.
And D bought me a pretty pink clutch since my wallet is now spoilt. ^^
Okay BYE.

2010-06-05T10:17:00.003+08:00

Rose from D!

Dessert
Menu
Main Course
Contacts storage case
Contacts
Holidays have finally started. But its like only two weeks? ._.
It was our eight months yesterday. And we had a long long long long day. Many talks in the morning and afternoon. And then had the Ngee Ann EPIC Dining In.
It was chaotic maybe because its the first time organising something like that. But quite okay. I was bloated after the dinner. Lol*
Received a pretty pink rose from D. Awwww*
Okay i'm gonna be busy next week. Tuesday going out with D. Thursday going to sister's choir concert. Saturday going out shopping with my mum and sister. Then third week either Monday or Tuesday having HMgLiRaP outing!!
Okay i've nothing to say. Bye.

2010-05-16T08:53:00.002+08:00

Meet Mr Pinky!
D bought me this!
I bought D this!
Spent yesterday with D. :] I had lotsa fun! Met him downstairs my house at 10.30am. Then went to Tampines Mall. Wanted to watch The Last Song...but GV Tampines never show. Then went to Bugis Junction. Ate Yoshinoya! Then went to buy japanese satay. Lol* Then went to Shaw Cinema to see if got The Last Song. And don't have also! :[ Then i was like what man. So in the end didn't get to watch. Some other time. :[ Then went to Bugis arcade which btw is damn big and damn noisy. Watched D jubeat for awhile. Then went to play the catch the toy, and we wasted $10. ._. So in the end D decided to just buy a soft toy for me from Action City. Instead of wasting money on the stupid machine. And i bought D the earpieces! So cute right!
That is about all my Saturday. ^^
And today i am going to watch Iron Man 2 with Mommy and sis. Hehheee*
And tmr checking scripts!! :[

2010-05-13T16:59:00.002+08:00

I changed my blog song! Love this song. Its in the movie The Last Song.

When I Look At You - Miley Cyrus

Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
Beautiful melody, when the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy (Yeah)

When my world is falling apart,
when there is no light to break up the dark
That's when I (I, I) look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore and I
can't find my way home anymore
That's when I (I, I) look at you

When I look at you
I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars
hold the moon
Right there where they belong and I know
I'm not alone (Yeah)

When my world is falling apart,
when there is no light to break up the dark
That's when I (I, I) look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore and I
can't find my way home anymore
That's when I (I, I) look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore and I
can't find my way home anymore
That's when I (I, I) look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me
All I need every breath that I breathe
Don't you know you're beautiful (Yeah, Yeah)

When the waves are flooding the shore and I
can't find my way home anymore
That's when I (I) look at you

You appear just like a dream to me.

2010-05-12T17:05:00.005+08:00

I got my necklace today! Kinda late because our 7 Months was last Tuesday. But still, i finally got it! Came in this brown paper bag, and kept inside a pretty pink gift bag. I absolutely love it D! Thanks!

2010-05-08T10:13:00.004+08:00

I bought this for Tina's birthday!
And this necklace as well...
I looked so different four years ago.
I need cheese fries when i study LOL*

This is so ridiculous man..
My sister drew this! Nice right!
We have a future artist in the family...

Love is in the air...
Halfway through the mid years...everything was going okay until amaths paper yesterday. Was it because i didn't study hard enough? The first 5 questions were a breeze. Then question 6. I only figured it out during the last ten minutes. Question 8: I got the first part wrong because of a careless mistake, and because of that i couldn't do the next part until the last five minutes and i realised i made a calculation error. Then question 9: My god i was totally stuck. What is wrong with me? Then question 13: I got a negative answer WTH.
So amaths paper 1 screwed. I'm depending on paper 2 now. ]:
Anyway, watching The Last Song with D soon. Either next Fri or Sat. Miley Cyrus is starring in it!!
And Tina's birthday is approaching fast. Ordered a necklace and earrings for her from the same blogshop D bought my locket necklace. Had to borrow my mum's atm card lol*.
But i absolutely love the necklace. So pretty and elegant. It would match the dress you bought two weeks ago Tina! And the earrings would go well with the dress. [:
So............................five more months to the O's.

2010-05-04T18:19:00.003+08:00

Happy 7 Months to us D.

2010-05-01T11:03:00.003+08:00

Neoprints taken with LiTing and Gracie four years ago.

Gift from D containing many sweets!

I'm getting this on Tues!
Oh Lover.
I'm finally getting my necklace from D! Ordered it online and the person will send it via postmail soon.
Monday going to Yee Ting's house for viola practice. I'm her piano accompanist. God knows how many people i have helped. First was Li Ying and Hui Yi, then Fu Sheng, and now Yee Ting. If i collect money from them, i will be rich by now! Lol*
Mid years start on Wednesday. I really don't know what i have been doing the past few days. I'm supposed to be studying very very very very very hard. Because i need to be the top three again. But at the rate i'm going, i doubt i can.
For now, i'm just looking forward to taking neoprints with D on Monday before going Yee Ting's house. I can then slot the neoprint into my locket necklace. Eating Subway on Monday! Then buying for Yee Ting also. Lol*
The days are just flying past. One week. One month. I don't know what is going on around me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It will be our 7 months on Tuesday D. How fast. Time flies doesn't it? And it still feels like yesterday that you popped the question.
Will you be my girlfriend?
PS: I will.

2010-04-24T21:38:00.002+08:00

D promised to buy this locket necklace for me!
Oh Lover.
Thats the name of the necklace D is gonna buy for me. If i don't get it on our 7 Months Anniversary....i will cry!
Anyway, i think i've been slacking too much the past few days. Mid years are approaching. And i'm not studying properly. ]:
I'm so excited about getting my necklace now that i can't sit still. Lol*
Been studying at D's house alot lately. Till 8pm and then he walks me home. His parents are nice. Except his brother.
I suddenly forgotten everything i wanted to say. ._.
Nvm its late NIGHTS!

2010-04-10T18:00:00.002+08:00

Imma sick cat.
Missed school for three days AGAIN. I have a weak immune system. ]:
And now i've a load of homework unfinished. Today i'm supposed to study seven chapters because i've been slacking the past few days i was sick. And i didn't study at all. So tmr i have to finish TEN CHAPTERS which is just complete madness.
Met D today. Had lunch, slacked. I always enjoy the time spent with him.
So.............................................................
I don't wanna study anymore. I'm so tired of tests, tests, tests every week. Can't they just give us a break? I know O levels are approaching like DAMN FAST.
Why can't time just slow down so i can catch my breath? Its hard running like that.
I'm so tired of it all. U know u're the only thing keeping me going. Because without u, i would have collapsed a long time ago. U told me, u'd rather get made fun of for a moment, than lose me forever. How sweet.

2010-04-04T18:25:00.003+08:00

Letter that D wrote for me.. Awww*

The teddy D bought for me.
Hello Kitty gummies!
Gummy bears...

Taken before leaving the house.

Happy 6 Months to us D.
I had a great time today with D. Thanks for making today special for me.
Went to Bugis Junction. Ate at Pastamania...walked around. Bought Hello Kitty gummies! Gummies are loved*
Thanks for the teddy you bought me D. Absolutely love it. And now i can always listen to you telling me those three words before i sleep.
P/S: Today was a Fairytale.

2010-04-02T14:07:00.002+08:00

Strawberry madness♥

Start of one month.
My first day without you sucks. I'm hoping for one month to be over soon.

2010-03-27T16:02:00.002+08:00

XXX person bought me Hello Kitty!!
YAY! I finally have the hello kitty i wanted. XXX person bought it for me today. Daniel bought me Hello Kitty Arizona. But i wanted Hello kitty Japan. So XXX person bought it for me! And that small little thing costs $6.90 because of the hello kitty brand. :O
Ain't he sweet? Absolutely. [:
U totally made my day.
P/S: My sweetest boyfriend, thanks for buying it for me just because i said i wanted it.

2010-03-24T18:20:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Ngee Ann!

2010-03-19T20:16:00.006+08:00

You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see.
But you can't close your heart to things you don't want to feel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh my god someone please save me.
Honestly i don't know what is going wrong in my life right now. But something IS going wrong.
Bad dreams.
I really don't know what to say anymore. I could just sit in my room the whole day staring into space. That would be what i prefer doing instead of talking to people. I think i'm becoming even more anti social now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I need something to believe in.
I need someone to talk to me. To tell me what to do. Get me out of this endless cycle. Leave, stay, leave, stay, leave, stay, leave, stay.
I need to get out. NOW. Its like i'm trapped in this mindless and timeless cycle. I'm suffocating do u know that? I really don't know how to carry on.
Help.
Oh god please save me. I mean it literally. Save me. Tell me what is it u want exactly. Do u want me to stay? Or leave? Please make it clear to me right now. I'm just dying to know. I can't hold out much longer, i'm falling apart every single minute. Please tell me. End my suffering. Just end it once and for all.

2010-03-18T09:09:00.004+08:00

Survey: My A-Z.
A-Available: I don't know..
B-Best Buddies: I've got alot! [:
C-Color of your room: Plain white. ]: Though i would like it pink..
D-Dessert: Ice cream!!
E-Easiest person to talk to: Teddy. ♥♥♥
F-Favourite Food: Sushi!
G-Gummy bears or worms: Gummy bears. ♥
H-Hometown: Tampines, Singapore.
I-Instrument: Piano.
J-Job: Student.
K-Kids: None.
L-Longest car ride: Uhh.....5 hours?
M-Favourite movie: I've got alot! Though i really like Dear John..
N-Night or morning: I'm kind of a morning person. [:
One wish: I want a puppy!
P-Phobias: I don't know..
Q-Favourite Quote: The ultimate test of a relationship, is to disagree, but still hold hands.
R-Reason to smile: XXX person.
S-Song you last heard: The Saltwater Room by Owl City.
T-Time you woke up: 8am.
U-Unknown fact about me: I have many secrets..
V-Vegetable: Potatoes!
W-Worst Habits: Daydreaming.
X-X Rays you have had: Three i think.
Y-Your Favourite Pastime: Daydreaming.
Z-Zodiac Sign: Virgo.

2010-03-16T20:12:00.002+08:00

Its now 8.12pm at night.
Today was a tiring day. I don't actually know why. Its just guzheng. But it made me tired somehow.
We have founder's day rehearsal early tmr morning. ]:
I pretty much slacked the whole of today away. The morning was slow. Without XXX person smsing me. I hate it when he has CS lesson.
Then guzheng. I got fed up man. Keep making us stop and repeat, stop and repeat. Until i just anyhow play. And then Thurs got FOUR DAMN HOURS OF GUZHENG WTH F*** WE AREN'T ROBOTS WE CAN'T SIT AND PLAY GUZHENG FOR FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT THIS IS SO PISSING.
I'm in a bad mood right now don't mind me.
Maybe not exactly in a bad mood. I feel.....lonely.
I want to cry. Then yet again i don't want to cry. I want to scream. And i can't. I want to stop thinking of u. But then i don't want to because it makes me even more lonely.
I feel like theres a hole in my heart that hurts so badly.
If u have never been in love u probably wouldn't understand how it feels like. To have a bloody hole in yr heart.
U're by my side. So why am i even upset?
Could someone just tell me what to do? Because i'm really confused right now. I don't know how to respond anymore.
Save me, would you? I'm lost and lonely.

2010-03-14T15:12:00.002+08:00

Friendship anklet~~ Me and Tina both tied one to our left ankle. [:
Lazy Sunday.
Woke up at 9am today. ]: Been waking up too late. Have not been sleeping well either. I have bad dreams.
Extra biology lesson tmr. Sian. ]:
And then guzheng on Tuesday and Thurs. And founder's day rehearsal on Wed. And must wear the fish costume. Maaaann....
Watched The Final Destination part 4 last night. Its ultra ultra gross. And like this time they show the flesh and all that. EEEEWWW.
Watching Kaiji: The Ultimate Gambler next weekend.
I have ALOT of homework to catch up on. Sadd
And XXX person is gonna be busy tmr and Tuesday.. ]:
Which means all left by myself.
The sky is black today.
I'm starting to get nonsensical. Spouting crap.
I think i'm radiating heat.
0.0
And i feel very high.
I need to calm down and stop jumping about the house.
I can't stay still.
Oh no!
Okay thats all. I need to meditate. BYE.

2010-03-13T11:37:00.002+08:00

CuSO4 during Chemistry SPA! Nice ocean blue.
Cu left behind after reaction. Look like dung. 0.0
I trimmed my fringe. Not obvious if u don't look carefully. =.=

Term one is over. o.o
How fast is it? School is just flying past. And the holiday isn't even a holiday can? Must go back school from Mon to Thurs like WTH.
But anyway, i'm happy with my results slip. Okay although i know got add values marks and all, but still, makes me happy to see all A. Except CHINESE WTH WHY I NEVER GET A1.
Went to the salon in the morning to trim my fringe with Tina. We cut exactly same fringe. HA.
Saturday is slow today.....the heat is making me feel lazy. I don't want to do anything. Can just sit and stare into space for the whole day.
Theres ALOT of holiday homework. ]:
Homework sucks.
Okay i have nothing else to say.
BYE!

2010-03-06T17:49:00.003+08:00

5 Months over.
Right now only two words are ringing in my head. LIFE SUCKS.
I just screwed EVERY SINGLE CA. *Claps*
How clever of me.
SCHOOL SUCKS.
I hate going to school now. And sitting in class. Pretending to pay attention when actually i'm daydreaming. And then everyone is so NOT focused. And its super chaotic and noisy. And i'm literally going mad in class.
To sum it up, my life right now is a mess.
Oh and not to mention, theres like so many upcoming guzheng performances ALL IN MARCH. Sweet.
And we'll be going home at 8.30pm or later this Thurs because of some dumb museum performance. And theres Geography CA the next day. And march holiday is pretty much GONE with all the guzheng practices and extra lessons.
I feel so fucking messed up.
Problems with XXX person aren't helping. Its just adding to my problems.

If i died, would anyone care?

2010-02-28T10:14:00.002+08:00

Guess which is Derrick's hand..

Its MADNESS in school.
When i say madness, i mean MADNESS. Its super super chaotic in class. And i'm so distracted by everybody. The class is like a fish market. Theres seldom times when everyone is quiet.
Anyway, went out with Derrick yesterday to buy Atika's present. And we watch Dear John. YAY! The show is really nice. Very touching.
Bought Atika a necklace from Mini Bits.
And it will be our 5 Months Anniversary on Thurs XXX! And another month over again. I can't believe one month just flew past again. It only feels like yesterday that we had our 4 months anniversary.
AND i'm giving him a gift for our 5 Months Anniversary. Made with love again.
I screwed up SS CA. I've been creating all this nonsense the past few weeks. Not wanting to study. Slacking. And then when my grades drop, i get even more angry and more unwilling to study.
But someone scolded me and woke me up.
So i'll start studying again from today onwards. Studying very hard. Theres no more time to waste. I've been wasting too much time.

I really, really love you. And its not eight more months. We still have a lifetime to be together. So i promise i'll study hard. For you. Maybe you don't know this, but i'm breathing and holding on for you. Its tough. Really tough. And i've reached my limits. But still, i'm holding on. And trying. All for you.

2010-02-21T15:04:00.004+08:00

Chaotic and tired.
So....yesterday went out with Derrick. We went rollerblading! Haha. At least i didn't fall as many times as i did when i went with Huai Wei and Aaron. But the rollerblades from the rental shop very heavy. I'm going to bring my own the next time.
And today, Derrick came to meet my parents. Had lunch together at Swensens, then chatted with my parents.
And..............i'm getting a hamster next Thurs which is the fourth of March! Yay! Another gift from Derrick to celebrate our five months anniversary.
And i want to watch the movie Dear John. Watched the trailer and its like very touching. But it hasn't started showing yet..

P/S: I never want to leave yr side again. And even though we're facing obstacles, i'll still hold yr hand and face them together. Because u give me strength. I'm looking forward to every new dawn because i know u're by my side to love me.

2010-02-14T20:02:00.002+08:00

Tired tired tired man.
Went to grandma's house in the morning. Almost everyone was there. My uncles and aunts, and almost all my cousins. Phoebe jie, Deddrey jie, Benjamin, Geraldine jie.
But Kenny kor kor and Lina jie didn't come...so didn't get to see my little niece Cherise.
And its like everyone keep asking me how old i am already. Aunty Amy even ask if i'm still schooling or working already. Like HUH??
And then Benjy(short for Benjamin) that idiot suddenly ask me in front of everyone if i got boyfriend. When he already knows. WTH. Sabotage me. Then luckily grandma suddenly ask when he getting married. LOL.
And all my cousins working in hospitals. Phoebe jie is a dietician, Benjy and Deddrey jie i don't know.
Then went to watch Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief in the afternoon. Its nice. Then went grandma's house again. Had dinner together. The adults all sit one table, then the cousins all sit another table.
So i was sitting with Phoebe jie they all.
Tuesday is gonna be busy. HA.
Going out with Derrick the whole day. First, watch the movie Valentine's Day in the morning. Then lunch, then off to Pasir Ris park to rollerblade. My poor legs....LOL.
And i'm so excited because hes giving me a Valentine's Day present! Lol*
Anyway Benjy gave me a ride home first while Daddy and Mommy and sis are still at grandma's house. Because i'm like seriously tired. And YES BENJY HAS A CAR ALREADY WTH.
So good right? Got car already. Then his girlfriend damn lucky. Got a personal chauffeur. Oh wait does he have girlfriend? LOL
And tmr is Daddy's birthday which is also Total Defence Day! HA~~
But then i haven't study for any tests which is like SHIT MAN.
Okay whatever now is CNY i shall take a break and chiong on Wed or something.

2010-02-13T18:19:00.002+08:00

Taken before going out.
COMPLETELY TIRED OUT.
Today was tiring.
Went out in the morning with Huai Wei and Aaron. Took a cab to Pasir Ris Park to rollerblade. We all brought our own rollerblades which were like HEAVY.
And today i learnt something. If u haven't rollerbladed for a long looooong time, like say, 3 YEARS, don't try to act tough and go rollerblading for two hours plus straight.
Now my legs feel like they are gonna detach themselves from my body.
I am totally worn out. But it was good exercise! ^^
Went to Ehub to eat Pastamania after that. And then Daddy came to fetch me with Mommy and sis and we went Bugis for steamboat.
Now i'm freaking bloated.
And Fu Sheng came over for cello practice on yesterday. It went quite okay. But we both screwed up a bit. :O
Going out with Derrick on Tuesday.. Kinda late to celebrate Valentine's Day.
I'm still waiting for him to sms..
And i'm not feeling happy right now.
I feel like crying even.
WTH is wrong with me?

2010-02-12T18:00:00.002+08:00

U left my life Fiqal. Why come back now?
I've already moved on. If u didn't notice. Its been so long. I no longer long for the past.
Many things have changed.
But when i saw yr tag, somehow, the feeling of the past came back.
Another life hidden deep inside my heart came back.
A life without XXX person. The life when u were my 24/7.
The life i used to wish would come back.
But things are different now Fiqal.
I have XXX person.He was the one who picked me up when i was alone and depressed. He led me out of the past and gave me a future.
Hes my only reason for living now.

And to Derrick, i won't leave u and go back to my past. Like i told u, he was my past. But u are my future.

2010-02-06T19:38:00.003+08:00

Busy busy busy. Shop, shop, shop.
Today was awesome!
Went out with Tina, Huai Wei, Aaron, Man Sheng and Zheng Yang to Bugis in the morning. Bought a sleeveless dress for $29.90, then went back to TM to meet Mommy and Daddy. Sis went for ballet. And then went to BHG and bought ballet flats. And walk walk walk around somemore and bought another 3/4 sleeve checkered shirt. Then went to PurPur and bought purple/blue leggings.
So CNY clothes pretty much settled. Sis and mommy and daddy all bought clothes as well.
I like my ballet flats!
And then at TM went to meet XXX person who went there with Jun Hao. And after that since XXX person cycled there, he had to cycle back while i took the bus. And he actually chased after the bus on his bike.
How sweet is that?
One of the things he always does is surprise me again and again.
I saw him on his bike when the bus was near school.
Silly, silly boy.
You never fail to surprise me somehow. And what u did today really touched my heart. Chasing after the bus on yr bike. Silly, but sweet. And u told me u don't mind chasing after another hundred buses as long as i'm inside. That melted my heart.

P/S: I'm missing u so much tonight.

Vanilla Twilight- Owl City

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

2010-02-05T21:37:00.003+08:00

I know i've fallen too deep into this relationship.
Because i'm crying for no logical reason.
U don't know me. And i don't want u to.
And to u, u'd piece me back together when i fall apart. I'm sorry for when i've let u down.

2010-02-05T13:48:00.007+08:00

I'm confused.
And tired. Stressed out by everything.
I guess i never got over the fact that this relationship is still a secret.
I know i made mistakes. I have fully faced up to them and i'm trying to change.
I know u've been good to me. Too good.
U'd put me back together when i fall apart.
I'm sorry for when i let u down.

P/S: I'm sorry for all the pain i caused. Thank you for still loving me.

2010-02-04T21:06:00.002+08:00

2010-02-04T08:36:00.006+08:00

Still a sick cat. I'm missing two days of school. SHIT. Then i'll have a lot to catch up on when i go back to school. Damn.
And i missed two guzheng practices as well. Then next Friday theres CNY performance. Why is everything all going wrong??
Okay then i missed physics SPA, i miss amaths test today, then must retake so many things wth.
And then next Sun is CNY already like damn fast?
So i have to go shop for new clothes this weekend. And i just recovered.
Apparently Tina is trying to screw her life. K whatever.
And then tmr guzheng is having orientation day for the sec 1s. And the GZ website said must bring extra clothes. And UNDERGARMENTS. o.o
I don't like the sound of that.
Which means theres gonna be water games or something. I have never liked guzheng orientations...
And then Laoshi came on Tues wth. And she teach the two CNY songs..
So i have to ask Qing Xiang/Li Ting to teach me the Da Xiao sheng/Jian Man/Jian Kuai/Movements.
So many things suddenly..
Yesterday was spent at home rotting..so i started drawing random things again. I was trying to draw the characters from the comic W.I.T.C.H.. If u even know whats that.
Quite successful in drawing Cornelia! Ha!
I'm somehow addicted to taking photos nowadays..
And i'll post the picture of the cat on the tree on Sat!
BYE.
Happy 4 Months Anniversary to us XXX person.

P/S: I can't stop thinking of u.

2010-02-03T16:57:00.005+08:00

Screw my life.
I'm sick again. And i missed physics actual SPA today. Then i have to retake alone.. Which is so scary!
And on Tues i saw a cat climb the tree.. o.o
I was walking to someone's house..then suddenly this white cat jump out from nowhere and was trying to climb onto the tree branch. And it did. ._.
And he should sms me like now...
I'm waiting..
I think i'm just waiting to see who will end this relationship first.

2010-01-30T20:15:00.002+08:00

I just learnt what is meant by chaotic. Because my life is a real life example of CHAOTIC.
School is so freaking insane nowadays. Its total madness in class. I don't know why but somehow, the class is a thousand times noisier than last year. And its friggin distracting.
ESPECIALLY YI REN'S LAUGHTER.
And i'm sitting right in the corner of the classroom, and we are packed like sardines, and then i feel so suffocated all cramped up in one pathetic corner. And then sometimes it gets so noisy that all i can hear is an irritating buzzing. Everybody is talking at the same time and its enough to drive me insane.
Grades aren't up to my expectations yet. Its an A1, but its not perfection. There are people who still get higher marks than me. So i'll strive to be the best. Thats my defition of GOOD ENOUGH. I'm not good enough yet as long as i'm not the best.
Going shopping for new clothes next weekend. Then next next Sat is Valentine's Day eve which i'm spending with XXX person! Yay.
My life is a mess.
And without XXX person holding me together, i would have collapsed and probably shattered into a million pieces.
And XXX person is walking me home after school everyday! Yay! Except on the days when he ends later than me.
And starting Mon, which is like the 1st of Feb, we have to stay back from 3-4pm for extra biology classes. How great is that. There goes the only day when we can go home early at 2.30pm without coming back for CCA.
GREAT.
And Physics SPA, as in like the actual one is on Wed. Like WTF? He didn't even give us any practice, and then tadaa, actual SPA already. FISH.
And now we have like tests every week.I miss the days when we can relax during the weekends. Because with tests like every week, there isn't any time to even take a break.
And i'm exhausted. Seriously. Mentally and physically exhausted.
I'm going to take a nice long break during the CNY holidays. Even if its for only like 3 days, i'm still going to rest well.
I screwed English CA already. My summary is crap. POOF. There goes English CA.
I know i've been hurting you a lot. I can tell. From what u said to me. It hurt a lot. But it made sense. It was all facts. Maybe u woke me up with yr scolding. Because i'm starting to realise how i've been treating u. And i'm sorry. When i saw this retard crying alone, all i thought of was me. I overlooked the fact that u might have been hurt as well. I've never come so close to losing u. And never have i been so afraid. So now, i'll love u even more. Show u more concern. Be a better girlfriend. I'm still waiting for these 11 months to be over. I love you.

2010-01-27T20:58:00.001+08:00

Off to a bad, bad start.
I'm hurting inside. Do u know? I'm not telling u anything. Can't u sense it?
I don't know whats the use of crying every night. Because i'm just wasting my tears. And u never know. Never ever find out i've been crying all these nights.
At the end of the day, i just see this idiot crying in a corner. And i hate to admit thats me.
I ask myself: Do i need u?
Try as i might, i still can't lie to myself. Yes. Yes i need u.
When it all ends, i'll thank u for giving me that short lived happiness.

2010-01-27T20:58:00.000+08:00

2010-01-23T20:29:00.002+08:00

Rainy view outside during the bus ride to Fort Canning on second day.
Sunset: Taken after guzheng outside the music room.
Went to Plaza Singapura with Mommy today to buy materials for sis's project. It was like friggin crowded everywhere. Like on the MRT, the bus, the shopping centre. So pissed off because i keep getting pushed or bumped by people. I don't like squeezing through crowds. And i'm not invisible hello? So if u did bump me can at least like apologise right? So rude. Tsk tsk
And tmr i have to waste a few hours going to Changkat to collect my scholarship. Its like why can't they just give us the damn cheque and then we can go home? They have to torture us by making us sit down there clapping while people go up the stage one by one to collect the cheque. I'm only going for the sake of the cheque. =.=
Money money money! Okay its going to be ending up in the bank anyway, so whats the point really.
I'm looking forward to CNY this year. Because we are going to grandma's house this year, and then all my thirteen aunties and uncles will be there and then i can collect money! Plus my eldest cousin's married already, so he and cousin in law have to give hongbao also! Lol*
I just realised i forgot to put up my new year resolutions. Although its already three weeks since the new year started.....not too late for resolutions!
I shall........be less forgetful.....more responsible.....
And i will be.......a better student....and i want to get 8 A1s this year....
And.......................i want to be a better girlfriend!
Which means.........being less unreasonable.....more understanding......lesser tantrums.......and i will love him more!
Okay last one. I want to watch the sunrise and sunset with XXX person. Romantic right? I don't know if its actually possible. But still, its a wish of mine. I know u're reading this XXX..................its my WISH.
Fulfil it for me? ^^
And and and i saw a Cotton On skirt today at Plaza Singapura......and i wanted to buy it.......when i remembered.............STOP BUYING CLOTHES.
:(
So sad right..
And its only $19.95....
And its so pretty.....
Okay stop thinking about it Mich.

2010-01-22T18:26:00.006+08:00

This is the first time since school reopened that i'm blogging from my computer. ._.
So.....school has reopened for three weeks already. Many things happened.
And the class is much noisier than before. Which is a bad sign. Like, we aren't that focused.
Pretty much all the teachers are the same. Except SS and Geography. I don't want Gloria Tan to teach us! I want Ms Lum!!
I feel like i'm living in a whirlpool. Things are going past in a flash. And time is flying past. I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. I shouldn't think too much. They are just nightmares. Which are caused by what i do and think of in the day.
Yesterday and today we had OLE. It was more like an excursion. ._. We went to Fort Canning Park. And it was quite fun. But i don't think we learnt anything. Or contributed anything.. Oh we planted! So we contributed to going green! Yay!
Anyway, i'm going to Plaza Singapura tmr with Mommy to buy something from Daiso. For sis's project.
Wanted to watch Legion and Daybreakers. But both are NC16. WTH? I want to watch! Wonder if i can get in...my birthday is still a long time away.
So cool right? Can watch NC16 shows. And then Daniel's birthday is in February. Then he can watch M18 shows. Hahhaha
And i changed my blog song to Time for Miracles by Adam Lambert. I love this song. Too bad he isn't American Idol, but first runner up.
Been quarelling a little too much with XXX person lately. Its affecting us. But.....all i can say is, i'm not going to give up on this relationship.
I know i've caused u alot of hurt, and pain. I'm sorry for all that. Sorry for being childish and immature sometimes. But do u understand why i'm like that? Sometimes i appear immature and unreasonable. But all i want is alittle more attention from u. Thats all. I have my own ways of expressing myself. I hope u understand. And thank you for always being by my side no matter what happens. For always giving in to me. For putting up with my tantrums. I can see all that u've been doing for me. I know very well. And i appreciate it. So no matter how many more obstacles we face, i'll face it with u. And overcome them. I'll try to be more understanding. And less unreasonable. But i want u to know, its because i love you, that i care about you.

Time For Miracles - Adam Lambert
It’s late at night and I can’t sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can’t breathe thinking of your smile
Every kiss I can’t forget
This aching heart ain’t broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see

Cause I know this flame isn’t dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cause I ain’t giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cause I ain’t giving up on love
No I ain’t giving up on us

I just want to be with you
Cuz living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes
The future I cannot forget
This aching heart ain’t broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see

Cuz I know this flame isn’t dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cuz I ain’t giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cause I ain’t giving up on love
No I ain’t giving up on us

BABY CAN YOU FEEL IT (COMIN’)
YOU KNOW I CAN HEAR IT (HERE IN MY SOUL)
BABY WHEN YOU FEEL ME FEELING YOU
YOU KNOW IT’S TIME

Baby you know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cuz I ain’t giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it’s time for miracles
Cuz I ain’t giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
No I ain’t giving up on us
I ain’t giving up no
Oh I ain’t giving up on us

2010-01-17T16:48:00.003+08:00

Today i read the letter XXX person wrote me on my birthday again. Haha.
Finishing my revision for amaths chapter 13. Another week over. And another week starting again. Time is really flying past without warning. And then the next minute, it will be the end of the o levels already.
I miss XXX person. ):
And Valentine's Day falls on the first day of CNY this year. Wth. So i can't celebrate with him on the day itself, but rather, on 13th Feb. ):

2010-01-16T21:27:00.007+08:00

If u left my life, for even a second, my world won't be right.
If i'm allowed to do only one thing, i'll choose to love u.
-XXX person
Thanks for telling me that. U really touched my heart.

2010-01-15T17:06:00.003+08:00

I wasted time drawing again today. Spent half of the day today with XXX person. Hehe. Had lunch at Sakae again. One day passes very quickly when i'm with him. ): And the channel U show Cruel Temptation is getting nicer. Haha. Because En Cai is getting her revenge le.
Anyway, i'm going to see the doctor tmr. Mommy made the appointment at 10.30am.
I don't want to go. ):

2010-01-14T20:35:00.001+08:00

Blogging from my phone...again.
Anyway, school was chaotic today. I don't know why but the class seems to have gotten noisier than last year. And i need to slim down. I've gained weight! ): I should go on a diet. That means no more curry chicken. Sad. And, i think its time to get my rollerblades out the storeroom where they have been collecting dust for a few years now. I should probably start rollerblading again. Diet, plus exercise. I should slim down right? ):

2010-01-14T11:24:00.002+08:00

We did bio SPA yesterday. Removing chlorophyll from the leave. So cool right! Then the leaf became white colour. And the ethanol became green. I'm blogging in class thanks to Eric's router. Haha.

2010-01-11T20:05:00.003+08:00

Today is Monday again. And i'm blogging from my phone again. Blogging made easier! ^^
Look at the pictures of the candy above. So pretty right! Daniel bought the candy for me. Totally made my day. He just passed it to me just now.
And tmr....going home at 6.30pm again. ): Theres guzheng. And we end school at 4.
I've been feeling tired more easily nowadays. And the days seem to be passing by more quickly.
The HCL people got back their O lvl result today. Most of them did well. Congrats!
P.S: I miss XXX person

2010-01-10T15:42:00.005+08:00

Instead of studying for the SS test, i wasted my time drawing these. What the hell is wrong with me huh? Maybe its because part of my brain has already given up on the SS test. Okay whatever. Anyway, i'm blogging from my phone. I just found out i can post pictures straight from my phone. ^^

2010-01-10T11:17:00.003+08:00

Fuck my life.

2009-12-30T18:09:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow will be the last day.
Tmr is 31st December 2009. The last day of 2009.
I don't want 2010 to come in fact. I don't want 2009 to end. It sounds stupid, but somehow, i keep feeling as though once 2009 ends, everything else will end. That includes my relationship with XXX person. I know its stupid. Many, many things happened in 2009. Good things, bad things. Mostly good things.
And u came into my life in 2009. Made me let go of my past. Gave me a reason for living.
Theres a HMgLiRaP outing tmr. But i'm not going. Its really sad. Its been a year since we last went out together. But then, i want to spend the last day of 2009 with XXX person.
I'll try my best to remember every single detail of what happens tmr. Because its the last time i'm going to be with u. Its not the same in school. I'll try to remember the way it feels to be held in yr arms, remember the way u smile, remember how u always make me laugh. All these little details. I'll remember them. And i really wish from the bottom of my heart, that we will make it through the year. U told me as long as i promise not to leave u no matter what, we will make it. I promise. Its just 11 months right? Once everything is over, i'll be with u again. Remember yr promise to me. Remember our promise. Its what keeps me going. I'll work hard. So that when everything is over, we can celebrate together. I'll be waiting for our one year anniversary. And then, our ten years anniversary. We will last forever. Because i know that with each passing day, this relationship is getting stronger. Thank you for everything u've done for me. And i just want u to know that when we quarrel, it doesn't mean i've stopped loving u. So remember our promise. After everything ends, i'll be by yr side again.
I love you.

2009-12-28T14:04:00.002+08:00

Matching phones and handphone straps!
Yayy!!
Look at me and XXX person's phone.The same! Hehe. And the handphone straps as well. (:

2009-12-26T12:43:00.002+08:00

I hope we stand the test of time.
One more week of the holidays left. Yes its damn fast. Time is flying past like nobody's business.
And i'm still left with two chapters of TYS.Both of which i'm dreading. I don't want to draw some stinking graphs!
But i have to buck up.I have to study hard next year.Very hard.I've been crying almost every night.Because i'm so afraid.I don't know why.I'm just so afraid.I'm afraid of the O levels, i'm afraid of losing him.
Then i keep telling myself its just 11 more months. Its just 11 more months damn it. JUST 11 MORE MONTHS.
11 months will pass very quickly right?
The promise he made me is the only thing keeping me going. Because after 11 months, after the O levels are over, i'll be with him again.
I'll be looking forward to every dawn from next year onwards.
Because every morning i wake up, its another day closer to being with you.
A day. A week. A month.
11 months will just fly past. Right?
I'll work very hard. To keep myself from counting the days. Then time will pass even more quickly.
I'm going to study really really hard. Because my only goal is to become the first in class again.
Lets hope we make it through. I'm sure we will. Because i know this love is real. I'll be waiting for our tenth anniversary.

2009-12-24T17:36:00.003+08:00

Teddy bear from XXX person!

Teddy bear: We were having lunch at Mac.

Thanks for the whole memorable day.
U made me so happy today XXX person. (:
In the morning, met him downstairs my house. Went over to someone's place to collect my surprise. And taadaa! Its a teddy bear. A big one! I absolutely love it!
Then took the MRT to Boon Lay mrt station. We went to Jurong Point. Walked around, had lunch at mac. hahaa Teddy got to sit on his own. ^^
Then took the MRT back...did something else.
Thanks for the whole day today! I really had fun. And thanks for the presents. He gave me four packets of Fruit Plus!!! YAY!! And a box of Ferrero Rocher. HEHE. I love my surprise.
U made my Christmas more special than any other year. And the teddy will always make me think of u.
Thanks for all the little things you do that makes me fall in love with you, over and over again.
There was one thing u said that really touched me. If my girlfriend isn't happy, its my job to make her happy again.
I love you.

2009-12-23T09:53:00.002+08:00

Pretty tang yuan!

The presents under the Christmas tree!

I want my surprise!
Yayy!! Finally, today is Wednesday! Which means tmr is Thursday! And i'm getting my X Mas surprise from XXX person tmr!
I'm so excited. (:
And we're planning another HMgLiRaP outing! Like finally.I'm so excited about that as well. Its going to be next week. And i asked Harsh and he says he can make it! Yay! I wanna go to Sentosa again. ):
Anyway, me, Mommy and sis made tang yuans on Monday, and yesterday we ate it. ^^ We make it every year on some special day. Forgot what its called. So pretty right! Pink and White! So cute~~
And i used to read this series of Vampire books called Darren Shan, and now its made into a movie!!!! Cirque Du Freak:The Vampire's Assistant. I want to watch!!
But its only released next year 7 January. DAMN IT. Thats when school reopens. ):

2009-12-21T13:33:00.002+08:00

Voodoo bottle~~
HK Disneyland pin. Bought it a few years ago.
Daniel bought this for me in Malaysia. ^^
I feel........happy.
Met XXX person today. We had another stupid arguement last night. Cried a lot. I wanted to shout at him, wanted to cry again, wanted to just get everything off my chest once and for all. But when i saw him, nothing came out.
Its like, i completely forgotten everything i had prepared to say. Forgotten why i'd gotten so angry last night. Forgotten the countless times i cried when we argued. Forgotten everything.
Our problems are over. Finally.
I've been hurting so much the past few days. Felt like my whole life was spiralling out of control.
And now. I finally feel like i've gotten my life back.
Its amazing how he's the only one who can control how i feel.
You can make me laugh. And you can also make me cry.
Anyway. I watched I Love You, Beth Cooper yesterday with Mommy and sis on DVD. It was funny. Kind of stupid in some parts. But it was nice.
Then went out in the late afternoon to watch Avatar with my family. That show is nice. The kind of movie where you can watch over and over again without getting sick of it. 5 stars! Hahaha
Theres 3 more days to getting my X Mas present from XXX person!! Yayyy! So excited. Lol*

2009-12-20T15:18:00.002+08:00

Problems resolved?
I've been crying a lot lately.Wonder if there are still anymore tears left.
Last night could have been the worst.I was crying and crying as i sent each sms to him.And we kind of talked things out.I told him everything.
Sometimes, jealousy really hurts. I want to be honest with him about everything. How i feel, why i do some things sometimes, why i react in certain ways, i want to just come clean about everything.
Maybe it worked. So are our problems resolved? The arguements over?
I hope so.
Typical Sunday. Just like any other lazy Sunday afternoon.
I'm so, so, so afraid of what next year is gonna bring. In a way, i'm not looking forward to 2010.
SPA, the O levels, being away from him. I don't like any of it. Not at all. And i'm afraid this relationship won't make it through the year. I'll do anything to stop it from breaking.
So. I hope we stand the test of time. I really do.

2009-12-19T16:02:00.002+08:00

Back from TM with Mommy and sister.
Damn its super crowded there.Its like everyone's doing last minute Christmas shopping.Super chaotic.
I hate crowds. ):
Anyway.I threw another tantrum at XXX person again in the morning.Sometimes i hate myself.I think i should seriously stop using FB.Its the cause of my depressed feelings.
I feel guilty.For making him upset all the time.Its been like that for almost a whole month now.I don't want to make him unhappy all the time.Don't wanna argue with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bought a Hang Ten top for $53 damnit. I'm splurging on clothes!! Super pissed with myself.But like i can't help it. ):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you for always being so patient with me.Its like, no matter how many tantrums i throw at u, u'll always put up with them. I don't think i could find another you. I'm sorry for all the unhappiness i caused. I promise i'll change. I thought a lot today. And i realised i'm the cause of all the arguements. I'll grow up. Be more mature. And keep this relationship going.

2009-12-19T10:19:00.002+08:00

Hyperness going up again.
Okay i have NO IDEA why my previous post was so depressing.Or rather, no idea why i was so depressed yesterday.Been having mood swings, guess it was just one of them.
I realised my mood swings all start when XXX person goes for work. ):
I'm alone and then i start imagining things.And then tadaa, my mood swings go out of control.
But anyway, i'm over the depressed feelings today.For now at least. ._.
Today is Saturday again!
But oh damn.Two more weeks left to enjoy the holidays.
And i have to revise all the chapters we learnt this year during the last week.One subject per day. Sadd
Theres 5 more days to getting my surprise from XXX person!!So excited!! hahaha
And theres class BBQ on 22nd December? Don't think i'm going.
Going to watch Avatar with my family tmr. Yayy.
And my iPod is spoilt. Argh. It was burning yesterday morning. Wanted to play games on it, and then i couldn't turn it on. And it was BURNING.Felt really hot.
So there goes $498?
Gotta send it for repairs soon.Gonna get a scolding. ):
I hope its not beyond repair yet. Something was burning inside.
And renovation is still going on in the house next door and the house upstairs.Damn. Non stop drilling and hammering. Its driving me insane. Like a bad headache that doesn't go away.
Haven't planned the game for next year's OLE. Oh whatever. I've never liked planning activities. AND they didn't tell us we were supposed to plan the game if we became station master. DAMN. So too late to back out. And Yee Ting is still overseas enjoying herself. =.=
Theres still Chap 11 of E Maths TYS and Chap 8 of A Maths TYS left to do. And both involve drawing graphs. Thats why they are left for the last. I don't like drawing graphs. ):

2009-12-18T10:03:00.003+08:00

I feel so f*cking depressed. Everything in my life isn't going right.
And you know what? All i feel like doing right now is to go and die.
I don't have a single person to turn to.
I've been feeling like this for like the past few weeks?
I don't know why i'm hesitating.
If i'm hurting so badly, why not just end it?
Maybe i might even be happier.
Do u even care about whether i live or die?
I really need someone who will listen.
Someone who won't tell me crap and just listen.
Because keeping it all inside my heart is making me suffocate.